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Hullabaloo Twenty Two
Well, this turned out very different to what I expected - the ending, as I'm sure you intended, came as a real shock.
Some very well-developed characters. Poor Madeleine, what with her experience with Timmy, and then the discovery of Franny, of Jazz's infidelity.
Anyway, exceedingly well written and I'd recommend it to anyone that can take the shock!
C G Harris
The tale was generally well worked building up to the bloody climax, which I did not anticipate. There were some nice phrases such as : "They marry extraordinary girls, she thought, then want to make them
In fact, there were a large number of very descriptive sentences/paragraphs, some of which worked very well but others not so well - the use of over descriptive metaphors was not always necessary in my opinion and sometimes simplicity in a sentence can be a far better tool. Slight carelessness indicates that it wasn't proof read properly - an example is the title on the first page where stains is not spelt correctly - there is no "e" in stains of course. That is a simple typographical error.
The above didn't take away from my enjoyment of the story which I thought was well worth reading.
Well written with some nice similes, but the story drags on occasions and the conclusion while surprising was somewhat unbelievable.