Time Collapse

Science fiction is one of my fortes and I know from experience that time slip scenarios are notoriously difficult to accomplish. Unfortunately I don't think this quite makes it as being a little too simplistic, exacerbated by too many punctuation errors which made it quite difficult to read from my point of view. It did start well, however, and was well realised.

Have to agree with Malcolm, not enough substance and panache to lift the story which feels like it was written hastily. Take your Time!

Oh dear. This could have been a good story, but ruined by the lack of punctuation. I found it hard to follow. Also, you don't have chapters in a short story. I find it's a good idea to read a story out loud to someone else, I often find I've missed out words or made sentences too long. The listener will also tell you if there are anomalies in the story or a lack of continuity. Even if you don't have someone willing to listen, it can help to read your story aloud. Hope that helps.