Story Detail

This story is beautiful in atmosphere, characterisation, context, and location. The language and imagery are exquisite. Let me give you two examples: 'It was like something out of Peter Pan. The kid took her doll and ascended the stairs and disappeared in the sky'. 'These thoughts went around the dark carousel- a carousel that had skeletons on pink horses'. Language perfectly conveys the angst, pathos, and the beautiful ordinariness of the everyday lives accepted by the central characters. You must immerse yourself into the single scene around which it is written. There are punctuation issues and presentation could have been better, but this is trivial observation.

This gave a brief insight into a confused and rather frightened young mind, which most people will be able to relate to at some level. I am guessing the author's new to writing, but I see good potential.